Emotional Boundaries: vain or sane?

We often grow up thinking that man is a social animal, that our thoughts, beliefs, and ideas reflect our society’s value and norms. An individual is said to belong to their family, friends, or workplace, but the centre of our existence is likely to get diffused in between all these ramifications. What goes untold is that being yourself in an ever-changing world is the greatest accomplishment ever. Setting boundaries is an important part of establishing one’s identity and is a crucial aspect of mental health and well-being.

What exactly do we mean by ‘boundaries’?

Boundaries are our own personal limits. They are the foundations of healthy relationships, with ourselves and with one another. Sometimes, we do not understand boundaries because we were not modelled clear boundaries by parent-figures or our boundaries were constantly violated or ignored.

Importance of boundaries

The human mind is capable of doing wonders. It just needs an appropriate environment to blossom and make the world a better place. Losing connection with one’s inner self and thus resorting to worldly objects to add meaning to life is one of the prime reasons why people face mental health-related issues.

For a rainbow to exist, all seven colours are invincible. Similarly, no matter how close-knit our families are, all of us need to nourish ourselves to keep growing as individuals, without growing apart. The first step towards establishing healthy boundaries for ourselves is understanding that our personal space isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity.

There is nothing wrong with taking out some “me time” even if it does not sit well with others. We must take care of ourselves as one cannot fill another’s cup with an empty one. We must communicate our feelings clearly and give the same opportunity to others around us.

Today, the thought of being left alone with their thoughts might seem daunting to a lot of people who suffer from anxiety or other mental health issues. But it is in solitude that some people find most of their answers.

Amidst our jam-packed schedules and extremely stressful lives, we seek comfort in our families and friends. But sometimes, we tend to set unrealistic expectations from our family, which when not met, can lead to us venting out our frustration on them. It is irrational to expect other people to make you happy even though you might feel happy when you’re with these people. Happiness is something that comes from within and is a state of mind.

Sometimes, taking some time off for yourself and doing more of what you love is all that you need. Whether it is reading your favourite book, listening to rejuvenating music, watching your favourite movie, scribbling in your art journal or taking a relaxing bubble bath, disconnecting from the outer world to reconnect with yourself can set you free.

There is more to a person than what meets the eye. Sometimes, the broadest of smiles hide the darkest of stories behind them. When we’re struggling, we often forget that each one of us has our own battles. In a family as well, everyone can have different priorities, different perspectives and different thresholds, and we must respect this difference.

Even while giving or taking a piece of advice, we must keep this difference in mind. There is a possibility that what seems to be the best way for us is not the best way for the ones we try to help.

Need for empathy

Empathizing with our family members, putting ourselves in their shoes to understand their situations better is something we must learn.
When we love someone, the need to protect them comes to us somewhat instinctively. However, we must understand that each one of us is unique, and thus might even have different takes on some issues or events.

Letting our family members express their thoughts freely and take their own decisions helps create a sense of mutual trust and understanding, which is crucial for a good environment to learn and prosper in.

When things change inside you, they are likely to change around you too. We must remind ourselves and those around us that setting boundaries does not make us selfish.

A lack of boundaries may lead to exploitation from others, and sometimes they may not even be at fault since they are not aware of the things that trouble us. Setting healthy boundaries demonstrates self-love. And loving yourself isn’t vanity; it’s sanity.

By Sanchita and Harshita.