All about Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to understand, use and manage your own emotions, and in turn, being able to lead a positive life.

Why is emotional intelligence vital?

For example, Alia is going through a tough time, she has a Ph.D. and a circle of good friends, but she suffers all alone and gets frequent panic attacks. Why?

Everyone has tough times, some of us are so open that we feel our emotions, and we ask for help, while the rest of us let life kill us, neglecting our own emotions.

Let’s consider these two sentences,

“You can cry every day and still be depressed”.
“You can smile every day and still be depressed.”

What similarity do you spot?

“Depressed?” Yes, you’re right. Now, what difference do you spot? “One is happy, and the other is sad”, Yes and why?

When you know what you think, you’re human. When you understand why you’re thinking what you’re thinking, you’re overthinking. And when you know all the things you do when you’re sad, happy, cranky, or numb, you’re realizing. When you drive your energy towards better things that make you happy and turn your life upside down, and dance like a bat. Or even when you love the things that happen to you, and when you know that all these little things will never go unnoticed or appreciated, you realize that growth is a process.

3 ways to reach EI:

• Self-awareness
• Self-management
• Self-growth

When you save yourself, you save the world, so let’s dig in deep.

Self-awareness:

Something so many of us has to realize is, You can control your mind. You choose what you think and how you think what you think. You are your thoughts. Every single action of yours has so much to do with your ideas. If you’re anxious about what someone is about to say, your mind keeps asking you to check your phone over and over. When you know that, “No matter how this person is going to react, my response will stay the same”, You win. When you’re aware of all the things your mind tells you to do or thinks of, You’re self-aware.

Self-management:

When you know how to react, how to manage the negative emotions that you feel, to be more precise. You recognize your coping mechanisms, and you regulate yourself to do them; that’s normal. But when your coping mechanisms benefit you further, they yield a positive result as well. You’re doing a good job!

Self-growth:

Self-growth is nothing but the result of self-awareness and self-management put together. You notice changes in your life. You grow more responsible when you realize you’re here to make the world a better place. When you work and strive day and night towards perfection, you will realize that despite anything and everything. Your efforts will keep you happy and hold you together. Just like they say,

“Happiness is a journey and not a destination”.

Let’s consider a case:

Varsha has done her master’s in psychology. She’s a clinical psychologist. But every day before she leaves for work, she cries for fifteen minutes sharp. If she doesn’t, she smokes during every break she gets and gets home drunk.

Do you know it only takes 21 days to break a cycle? Just 21 days to get used to a habit. Varsha has conditioned herself that she has to cry every day for 15 minutes straight to feel alright. So that’s her coping up mechanism. If that’s missing, she immediately pulls out a cigarette or drinks. And what are these? Faulty coping mechanisms.

I repeat, no amount of drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, and other self-destructive mechanisms will save you the way a strong EQ can save you. They might help you but only temporarily. You have to face the consequences; even if they don’t end well, you have to face them.

Remember, when it comes to saving yourself, only you can. Try doing the things that make you happy when you’re sad. Make sure they don’t hurt you or anyone around you. If you’ve found one, Yay! That is your healthy coping mechanism, right there!

How can you benefit from a stronger EQ?

• Better lifestyle
• You tend to surround yourself with better people
• You grow internally
• You know how to respond in a way that is highly appreciated
• You take better decisions
• You develop strong physical and mental health.

Is EQ more important than IQ?

Studies mostly tilt towards yes. There are billionaires who are sad and people with empty pockets who are happy. “You are what you think”, and all these images that you form in your mind, slowly as you continue to put in effort towards them, you’ll see everything you wished for happening right there.

• Books you can give a read
• Social Intelligence
• Emotional Intelligence
• Working with Emotional Intelligence
• Primal Leadership

All these books are by Daniel Goleman, Do give them a read!

• Films
• Inside out
• A beautiful mind
• The pursuit of happiness
• Boyhood

They say, “Fake it till you make it”, but the truth is, You don’t have to. With the right words, actions, people, and coping up mechanisms, you make it. The strong aren’t people who never cried. Happy people have problems. To smile, you don’t have to have perfectly shaped teeth. You can cry, you can scream, you can process your emotions at your own pace, but when you stick to harmful coping mechanisms, it’ll take longer.

Everything in life is a choice. You can either choose to suffer or grow.
So remember, they tried to bury us, but they didn’t know that we were seeds.

Written by Joshika